As if...

As if I werent already bemoaning my struggles with depression, my husband, in his attempt to cheer me up, has been coming up with some real doozies in regards to the shape of my body these days. As most of you know I am pregnant (about 19-20 weeks now) and no longer myself. Everything is growing, not just my belly, and as much as he tries to tell me how great I look, he occasionally slips up with a major faux pas. (Really, I wasnt much insulted by these, but did find it quite funny that these were the words he chose to use in each situation.)

The other day as I was completing the laundry my daughter got ahold of a pair of my underwear and she proceded to carry it around the house for some reason only kids understand. Granted, Ive had to buy some bigger sizes lately because my old undies cut into my belly these days, and instead of just getting some that fit, I bought a size bigger to grow into them. Well Nate walks into the bedroom and then calls out down the hallway, "THERE'S A BIG PAIR OF UNDERWEAR ON THE FLOOR IN HERE!" "What?" I said, knowing full well what he said but giving him a little room to correct the error. Nope, without a clue he calls out again, louder, "THERE'S A BIG PAIR OF UNDERWEAR ON THE FLOOR IN HERE!" "Did you just say 'BIG?'" I asked, giving him a second chance to correct the blunder. Finally it clicked. "Oh, I didnt mean big like 'BIG', I..." too late buddy, you made your bed now lie in it. "It's a big pair, huh?" I asked, just to egg him on. It was a fun moment that made us both laugh off and on the rest of the day. That is, until he made his next blunder.

Anyone who lives in the south during the summer knows that it is almost impossible to do anything outside without getting a mosquito bite. A few years back they had me scared to death to leave the house with the all of the West Nile drama. Thankfully I have successfully lived thru at least 50 mosquito bites since then and never contracted the virus (however still praying for that covering of protection Lord :o) so my fears have somewhat diminished. Anyway, just yesterday I had to go out and water my flowers that were withering away due to the stifling heat we've had lately, and I felt like that guy in the old "Deep Woods OFF" commercial who willingly allowed hundreds of mosquitos to land on one arm to prove how ineffective the other brand was in comparison to OFF. Mosquitos were just following me around the yard like I was a living carcass. At one point I had a mosquito on my hand, one on my leg, and three on the other leg! When I finally got back inside I was so itchy I couldnt help but talk about it. That's when my husband unloaded this whopper: "Well, they just love white, squishy flesh" and even made the sign for "squishy" with his hand to emphasize just how squishy they like it. "White, squishy flesh? That's what they like?" I was astonished he'd slipped up again so quickly! This time he was quick to catch his blunder and we both started laughing. "Boy, you're on a roll, sweetheart."

Im curious to see what he comes up with next.