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Monday, June 20, 2005

x's and o's

I dont know about you, but in our home my husband and I have certain things that are each person's responsibility. For instance, I clean the house up to the laundry room door, he covers everything beyond that. I handle laundry, dishes, and most things concerning our daughter (as a stay at home mom) and he handles the yard, cars, bugs, and "technical" things around the house. He takes care of the x's, and I take care of the o's. It's the way we play the game.

However, when he travels, which he does often for his work, my duties begin to include the entire alphabet. There is no that division that is so common to our relationship. Suddenly I have full responsibility of all areas. If a bug is lying dead in the laundry room, my job to pick it up. If the VCR suddenly stops working, my job to figure it out (ok, bad example, I usually call him on the cell and have him walk me thru it.) If water is leaking into the sunroom during a rainstorm, my job to clean it up. If the car wont start as we are heading off to the park, my job to call the tow truck and handle the situation. If an ice storm hits Georgia in the middle of winter and we lose power for three days, my job to figure out what the heck my daughter and I are going to do.

Though I am a fully capable human being and know how to take care of these kinds of situations, the constant accepting and relinquishing of control has taught me a lot about the marriage relationship. First of all, life sure is a lot easier with a help mate around. Yeah, I can pull the trash cans to the curb every Monday morning, and I can find time to wash the car, but I sure prefer having someone around to help with all the things that come up each day. I believe having kids makes it tougher to accomplish these tasks, harder to get the fiascos taken care of, and I sure wouldnt want to be doing it alone. I greatly admire those who do.

It has also taught me how difficult it is to constantly confuse those roles. To be in charge of all the o's is just fine with me. I may not like them all, but they are my duties and I accept that. To then take on all the x's is often times overwhelming, but after a day or two I get used to it and it becomes a new way of life. The most difficult part for me is then relinquishing those roles when my husband returns. Running the house becomes my job for a while, then I have to share that again, and I want to, but it is really hard to give up the control. I find my way of doing things "better" :) than his, even though his way is perfectly ok. This causes a lot of tension at times as we adjust back into our regular roles.

Anyway, there you have what is on my mind right now. My husband just got home for four days and things just got regular again, but soon he leaves for another couple of days, so the game continues!


Anonymous gym said...

Hey, that sounds like our situation for the first 30 years in our marriage! I was gone alot and my sweetheart had to do it all, with three kids to take care of, and I took all that for granted. The local newspaper even did a story on her and how she managed it all with me being gone alot. What a woman! I started realizing it then and appreciated it so much. I had the easy job! She had the tough 24-7 job. Everyday now I thank the Lord for what she did for our kids and how she handled all that responsibility when I was away at school, games, scouting, and meetings. Just goes to prove my belief more than ever:...... BEHIND EVERY GOOD MAN THERE IS A GREAT WOMAN! And this is the case here with me and you and Nate as well!

11:30 AM

Blogger mommy zabs said...

I know it's hard. I know you aren't alone. I had a lot of friends in nashville that were in the same thing, They felt like a single parent part of the time then had to fall back into he's the head of the house mode when they are back. I admire women who de that with such grace. You are so strong. And so understanding of your husbands calling and needs. I know this is all hard on top of being pregnant! When jeff leaves i get so bummed. He leaves for a week next week and I think I have invited most my friends to come stay with me :) You are a strong woman :) And just like gym's post... i know he loves and appreciates that in you so much.

8:16 AM

Blogger joy madison said...

I'm sorry, when Jon was travelling we were dealing with this ALL the time. Its a little better now, but it is still hard to find that line....I know being pregnant its even worse.

3:51 PM

Blogger ill said...

thanks everyone. it really is OK, but it is also a struggle. we have been doing this for a long time, but i have only been a stay at home mom two years, so it is a lot tougher now. but he comes home tonight so we are back to the regulars again. hurray!

6:46 PM


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