Self Portrait Tuesday 11.15

MOM



(Lux and I December 03)


Mom. It seems strange to think that I am a mom, it all seems to have happened so quickly! Mom is a term I mentally associate with older women who do a great job keeping the home clean, cooking fabulous meals for the family, and generally staying on top of things so the rest of the family can go about their business with less stress and more happiness. Me as a mom just seems like a paradox of sorts. But here I am about to welcome another little one into this world!

And as much as I would like to go on about the tough times (and often do), the whines, neediness, and situations that bring a mom to her knees crying out to God for help :) (like yesterday, our first day of all day vomiting...) I know, deep in my heart, that I love it.

I love that God sent this little one into my life to prove to me just how strong, how brave, how responsible, I could be. Being a mom has forced me to give up all control over life's little situations, it has forced me to be selfless at times I wanted to be so selfish, it has taught me to love deeper than I ever thought humanly possible. And it has helped me to understand on a much deeper level how much God loves us, and what an amazing sacrifice it was that he sent his only son to die on the cross for my sins.

Recently on a date Nate and I were finishing up and were walking back to the house to reunite with Luxie. Nate said, "Back to reality!" And I said, "Yeah..." as if I were groaning. Then I said, "Ya know, I actually look forward to seeing her, I love her so much." And Nate replied, "I know! You like to think you dont ever want to return, but you really do. You like being a mom!"
And he's right. There might be elements of it that drive me batty, but at the core of it all it has become who I am. A large part of me is defined by the role of Mom, and as the years go by I believe I will embrace the title with more passion and desire to be the best Mom I can.