nothin

I cant think of anything! I got nothin! No idea what to write about these days. Andrea at hulaseventy posted last week about being blocked and I can totally relate. It isnt as if there isnt anything going on in my life. I mean, just yesterday Zaine had the most explosive diaper mess ever, and I thought she had ruined the one pair of jeans fitting me these days--but I thought I ought to spare you the details. And Nate is trying to talk me into sending Luxie on an overnighter away from home with him, which I should be thrilled about but I am totally freaked out by the notion. I mean, she's my BABY! And I still cant seem to figure out how to actually clean the WHOLE house and have ALL OF IT clean at the same time. Instead it seems that once I leave one room to go to the next, the mess follows me. I feel like I am doing circles all day long. Then the dishes....dont get me started!

I did finish getting our taxes together for Monday's appointment. Nate goes in to meet the man and I wait anxiously by the phone to get word on the damage. This year odds are we will owe a little something...little is fine....little would be great. And we are still trying to find time to get out house in order so we can move this year. We hope to get out closer to our church, near Luxie's pre-school. Lots to do around here before then, but God is faithful and I know it will get done in time.

Speaking of God being faithful, can I just tell you how much I love my life? Ya know, life is hard, and sometimes it is monotonous, but I am sure thankful to be right here right now. These really are the best days Ive known. Yeah, Im looking a little older, my clothes dont fit as well as I'd like them to, Ive lost some freedom, and some of the excitement is gone, but I am really happy. I can say that....I am happy. Not happy as in twirling in circles looking up at the sun in a field of wildflowers, but happy like satisfied. Im OK with things, and that is a big statement for me. Im glad to be here, to be married to the man I got, to have two great girls, to have a great group of friends at church, to be living. Finally at the age of 32/33 I get it. To quote Amy Grant, "Life is hard, and it might not get easier." But that's ok. It's ok to not have all the answers. It's ok that every day isnt fun, and the baby is crying for some unknown reason, and I messed up on dinner, and it's raining outside, and the car broke down, and I cant pay the bills today. Because you know what, whether I like it or not life just keeps going. Whether I like today or not, it's gonna happen. And the night will come, and the baby will finally sleep, and the sun will shine again, and the car will get fixed and the bills will eventually get paid. Life keeps going and I might as well deal with it. And I can choose to be ok with it all. I can choose to be happy. And I can be thankful. Thankful to God for another chance to get it right. Another chance to say thank you to Him for the great things that have happened, and for the new things that are to come. Thanks for being patient, God. I think I finally get it.