...sugar and spice and everything nice...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

"Marriage is a journey." ~Reese Witherspoon

I am such a big fan of Reese Witherspoon. The first film I ever saw her in was "The Man In The Moon" (or was it "The Man On The Moon?") No difference to me, it was years ago and she was about 12 in the film. I think I was 16 or so and I remember being so moved by her performance that I actually envied her. I have followed her career ever since, and really admire her choices and her life behind the scenes.

Recently she was on Oprah promoting "Walk the Line" (amazing film by the way) and Oprah asked her about her marriage to Ryan Phillippe. She was asked how they make it work in such a crazy industry, with all of the temptations, time away, and jealousy that can can develop with their respective careers. After explaining that they both had great examples in their parents, both couples still together after 20 something years of marriage, she boasted of what a great man Ryan is (again, what a smart woman). Then she said something to the effect of "you know, it isnt like we dont have problems that come about. I mean, we have gone to counseling to work thru things. But marriage is a journey, with mountain tops and valleys, and you just choose to stick together thru it all." I cant tell you how refreshing it was to hear a Hollywood star publicly admit that marriage is hard work, but if you choose to stick with it, you can beat the odds ....(Reese, dont make me come back here and take back all this praise in a few years!)

So anyway, with that, I too believe marriage is a journey. And part of that journey is learning to live with those odd little idiosyncrasies and personal differences we each have. For instance, while my dad was visiting last week we all road around together in our, ahem...minivan. Nate drove, my dad road in the passenger seat, the girls were in the second row seats, so I was in the far back row. This was quite an interesting experience for me for a number of reasons. First, I like to drive and Nate's driving is nothing like mine. I will leave it at that. Second, I was not able to participate in the front row conversations because I was behind two very noisy kids who were THRILLED that mommy was in the back with them. So I was left to entertain the children and basically zone out. Third, and most interestingly, I was made to sit back and observe. And there was one particular thing I observed over and over again. A little thing Nate did over and over again.

Our car has automatic locks. When you exceed 20 mph the doors thruout the van simultaniously lock down, I suppose to avoid intruders or to keep children in. As the person who most often drives the van I have learned that every time I get out of the van I have to hit the unlock button to get the rest of the family out. As we drove from location to location thruout the week I began to notice that every stinking time Nate got out of the driver's seat he would shut his door, walk back to the sliding door on Luxie's side and try to open it. He would find it locked, hesitate for a moment, realize the situation, then walk back to his door, open it, hit the unlock button, and head back to Luxie's door to get us out. The first few times I chalked it up to not having driven the minivan for a while. But as the week wore on I became more and more astonished that he wasnt catching on! My goodness, it happened every time we arrived at our destination! I stopped counting after 10! It became my pet peeve! Will Nate remember this time? Ahhh, nope! Wait what about now, surely he will, it's only been half an hour since our last stop! Nope. Not one time did he remember to unlock the doors to let us out. This was excruciating for someone of my personality who is very task oriented and does most things in a systematic order and process!

But do you know what I loved about the whole thing? It made me appreciate my husband even more. He may be nothing like me as far as catching on to the door locking mechanism in the minivan, but he is faithful. Faithful to go back time and time again to get it right. It was such an example of his character, steady, even, never waivering, faithfully always who he is. That is who Nate is and he wont ever change. And I suppose I should be glad about that! Another lesson learned on this journey.


Blogger mommy zabs said...

that is very sweet

2:38 PM

Blogger meridith said...

wow. i like that post alot......for several reasons. i love that reese witherspoon quote and i really have gained a new appreciation for her since 'walk the line'. i hope she and her husband make it. i love what you say about marriage being a journey and a choice. most of all i love that you see in your husband those wonderful qualities and that instead of just letting that lock thing drive you nuts you took the time and energy to process it and make something good out of it. that's really cool.

6:30 PM

Blogger AJ Fabulous said...

I loved that story! I too am a Reese fan! And I too would rather be the driver between Steve & I. And I too get frustrated at times with Steve's idiosynchrasies...but at the same time see the value in them. Thanks for reminding me of that! Ahhh...I just loved everything about this post!

6:43 PM

Blogger Glamorous Jo said...

This was great...loved it. Sharing your life with someone is an interesting and amazing thing. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

11:25 AM

Anonymous Mary said...

Yes! Marriage is work sometimes and we hear that but don't really understand it until we get there! Hubby & I have had our rough spots (like everyone) but I'm so glad we're hanging in there! In those moments of frustration, I try and remind myself that he puts up with my wide array of oddities with a lot of grace and patience!

8:58 AM

Blogger andrea said...

great post, lulu and so true... so true! what continues to amaze me are the twists and turns that marriage continues to take and the perserverance it requires to stay the course.

and as for nate and his faithfulness, his tenacity-- yes. one of the qualities I have always admired about him. steadfast and true, that brother of mine. wish I could be more like him.

8:06 PM

Blogger jEnn said...

i love reese witherspoon too!! first saw her in "Cruel Intentions" .. my heart just melted when she placed her hand in ryan's... hmmm...

great going there!! all the best and may happiness surround you and your family always!! the two angels are so cute and charming.. (^__^)

11:15 PM


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