she aint what she used to be...

There's this old song that sometimes comes to mind and it starts out "the old gray mare she aint what she used to be..." and actually that's all I can remember. But it sure does remind me of myself these days.

To set the scene, I had a few moments to myself the other day so after browsing the local Barnes and Noble bookstore I wandered into the mall and decided to see what Old Navy had to offer. Not much appeals to me these days with my big belly, but I did find a stretchy little skirt that I decided to try on. Mistake #1. As I stripped down to my skivies what to my wondering eyes did appear but a huge white whale with dimples everywhere! Oh, the horror! How did I ever let my body get this way?

Granted, I am pregnant, and as my husband says, I oughta milk that statement for all its worth. But there are some things that there are no excuse for. Yeah yeah yeah, Im a stay at home mom and my daughter keeps me very busy. But never in my life did I think I would just give up on fitness so easily! I used to be ridiculous about my weight/body/cellulite. I mean, I was a bit obsessive. During the 90's my future in-laws were constantly amazed at my odd eating habits and ability to go for long walks in 30 degree weather. Now while I am not condoning that kind of behavior, I have somehow managed to, in the last 5 years, throw all caution to the wind and give up! I mean, I just stopped caring.

Somewhere along the way I realized that I could eat whatever I wanted as long as I maintained a healthy excercise routine. And this worked really well for the couple of years prior to having Luxie. But once she came I was overwhelmed with responsibility and couldnt figure out how to balance the situation. We also live in an area that doesnt allow for me to go for long walks alone with the baby the way I would like to. Needless to say, I should have made time! It has now been over three years since I have done any form of excercise aside from pushing a stroller at the mall. Who is this lazy woman? How did she come to possess this body? Why doesnt she care?

I'll tell you why I stopped caring. Because life has become about more than just me. On hulaseventy there was a little discussion going about the 20's and the 30's and the shift of focus that takes place as we grow older. I used to care so much about my appearance, what I ate, what I wore, etc because, frankly, who else was there to worry about? I wanted to be cool, look hip and pretty, be noticed in a way that just doesnt matter to me anymore. Granted, I sure wish I had more time to care about those things--I wont lie, I want more of that time. But there are bigger and better things to be concerned with nowadays. I still do my best to pull it together every morning, but the fact that cellulite is slowly working its way across my body like ivy up a wall just isnt my biggest challenge these days.

So as I stared at my freakishly white, half naked body in the mirror (the pregnancy body is really quite odd if you ask me)I sighed heavily to myself, grimaced, and thought to myself, "where do I go from here"? I put my clothes back on and walked back to the car in silence. I sat in the car for a moment before starting it up. "You know what I need?" I thought to myself. "An ice cream cone. Is there a McDonalds around here?" And that was that.