Self Portrait Tuesday 9.27

During the month of December 1997 Nate and I, along with the rest of "Dead Poet Society" traveled to England on tour. DPS was the hip-hop group Nate DJ'd for from about 1996 to 2000. The group consisted of Rahlo (now of The Blacksoil Project) and Nobul, (who now goes by the name Thinking--originally from England he planned the tour and now lives there with his wife working in the arts/music arena.) I handled sound for the guys.

This photo was taken the morning of our arrival after an 8 hour flight. We had just arrived at the little Bed and Breakfast Nate and I were to stay in and he took this shot as I was gazing out the window. It was surreal, really, because the few weeks prior to the trip had been overwhelmingly difficult. My grandfather passed away from a stroke November 14th, and Nate and I had traveled back to Washington from Indianapolis to attend the funeral and help my mom and grandma handle the situation. After arriving home around the 21st we began preparations for the tour, only to learn on the 25th that my grandmother had entered the hospital. She passed away on the 28th, just three days before we were to leave.

I was so torn as to what was the right thing to do. Should I stay back and attend the funeral? My mom was not well at the time, and the idea of going overseas after she had just lost both of her parents seemed inappropriate and scary. In the end, my family encouraged me to go, saying there was not much I could do and that they supported my decision to go. I remember feeling so wrong about going, but also feeling that I had to go. The situation at home was under control and there was nothing I could do to change it.

So for the first time in my life I headed off to another country with my new husband (we had only been married since May.) It was a beautiful morning, a beautiful little Inn. I was so tired, so anxious, so overwhelmed, but so thankful to be there.