...sugar and spice and everything nice...

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Friends, I am struggling...

I am just plain having a rough time of it! Life is hard right now, and i hate when it gets this way because, honestly, it really isnt that hard. I have PLENTY to be thankful for, and I am, truly. But sometimes life is still the pits! I dont know if it is the pregnancy hormones, or anticipation of a freaking c section and recovery, and lack of sleep for months, and nowhere to put the baby or if it is literally $100 to my name and bills piling up and a messy house I cant keep control of. I dont know if it is crazy uncomfortable clothes and a big huge belly along with a desperate need for a haircut that I cant afford, or if it is a cranky daughter who really isnt that cranky but just keeps needing so much from me, which I love, but I also just cant take sometimes. I dont know if it is being tired of hot muggy weather that never seems to end even though it is freaking October, or the fact that our van was just in the shop AGAIN for another repair in less than a month. I dont know if it is the fact that the horrible terrible toddler bed has opened the biggest can of worms since her little life began, with suddenly two days of NO NAP (why wasnt I warned about the no nap phase approaching!--the BABY IS COMING! she cant stop taking them now!) I dont know if it is the freaky HYSTERICAL TANTRUMS she has been throwing before bed that have me worried the neighbors think we are abusive--especially as she screams in hysterics "NO DADDY! NO MOMMY! PLEASE NO!" and all I am doing is putting her back in bed!

I dont know if it is the fact that I miss, desperately miss, having great friends. I just dont know what has happened, but aside from my dear, lovely, sister (ok in-law although I think that is the tackiest of phrases) Andrea, whom I love, I just dont have any friends around here. And I need them, I need some fun, cool, young but not too young, exciting but mellow, outgoing but casual, happy but not too perky, witty, charming, deep, dont have to shower every day but still clean up nicely, willing to listen and love to hang out, girlfriends. I miss sharing my daily struggles, triumphs, trials, and laughs with girls like me. Atlanta has been tough that way.

I want to move, I feel the need to start fresh--even if it is just a different home. I want something new, a challenge, (although I have a BIG one coming in less than 8 weeks....)

I am struggling...


Blogger andrea said...

oh lulu-girl. I hear you... I know what you're going through and I can truly commiserate... I have been there (though I am in no way trying to downplay what you're going through now). IT IS HARD, it just is, man. I'm praying for you. and it sounds like we need a night out. let's go to a movie! (not that that will fix everything, but... you know).

also, thanks for the props, sis. so sweet.

8:39 PM

Blogger mommy zabs said...

I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you have the blogosphere to at least vent in! I wish I could come up there and hang with you. I feel like we related on the personality level. Some of our actual struggles are different, but our reaction to them and our needs seem so similiar. My mom would say to me... "this too will pass"... i hated that. But it is true. It is just so hard when you are in the middle of it all.
YOu are in my prayers.

9:29 PM

Blogger lulu said...

thanks for the encouragement. i feel so silly even half way complaining because i really have it good, and I thank God for always being there and getting me thru the tough times.

the blog thing is so funny because on some weird level I do feel like all these people are my friends! I just never get to see them or spend time with them. But it has definitely opened the doors to new friendships. Elizabeth, I would love to hang out with you--I wish it were physically possible to take Luxie to Florida for the day and visit!

and yes, Andrea, it is time for another girls night out. I am feeling the need to pack it all in while I still have time! Elizabethtown?

7:43 AM

Blogger Glamorous Jo said...

I don't have any little ones - but I do know the overwhelmingness of being overwhelmed and feeling more than hopeless. And even though a night at the movies doesn't fix things - IT SURE IS FUN! Wish I could join you.....

10:22 AM

Blogger Ward Jenkins said...

So sorry to hear that you're deep in it, lulu. I wish I could say that I know what you're going through, because, in reality, I don't really -- but I do empathize. That's what I try to do with Andrea when she gets down and is deep in the Mood. I try my best to be there for her and just be the ear to vent to. And boy do I wish I had all my internet buddies here in Atlanta to hang out with and just simply talk! Just the act of talking it out is such a catharsis for me. Oh lulu, I wish you the best in all this. I really do. My prayers go out to you and Nate.

3:19 PM

Blogger meridith said...

i feel you
when i read that headline immediately my heart went out to you. i wish we could all just fly to atlanta and give you a hug and a girls night out! for real, lately i have been feeling really frustrated too. really really burned out on life. it is hard when you have so much to be thankful for and yet the everydayness of life seems too much to bear. just know you are not alone. all i know is, we have to just keep on keeping on. and there's always that hope that tomorrow...things could get better.prayers will go up for you.

9:34 PM

Blogger lulu said...

thanks everyone. your prayers have been much appreciated and my mood is lifting, thank the Lord!

8:03 AM

Blogger joy madison said...

I feel your pain! I think its really hard to get and keep friends the older we are....somehow life gets in the way of having friends! I hope it gets better

11:31 PM


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