...sugar and spice and everything nice...

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Happy blah blah blah

Yeah, it's my birthday. Whoopie. I have decided not to celebrate today. I choose tomorrow to be that once a year event that is supposed to outshine all other days (except of course Christmas and Easter.) It just isnt working out today. So Ive postponed it.

I'll give you a recap of the day's events up til now (2pm Eastern time). I awakened at 5am with a nightmare that my daughter had been kidnapped and my husband was running around doing nothing about it. Yes, it was just a dream, but it takes a minute to fall back asleep after something like that. It also takes a minute to fall back to sleep when your husband is still up rustling around trying to finish his work for the night/morning. Finally he goes to bed at 5:30am. And I just drift off when...what? The girl is crying! I guess she had the same dream I did because bright and early at 6am she's crying hysterically. Finally after trying to console her and realizing she is basically still asleep just disoriented from her dream, I leave her and head back to bed. But not for long since her usual wake up time is 7:30am and she's up and at em right on schedule. No special sleeping in/breakfast in bed today (yeah, right, like it's ever happened before!) Daddy just fell asleep an hour and a half ago. So I yawn, stretch, and accept my fate.

I really did try to move past it, but then (and I cant go into detail because someone I love will read this and I dont want to hurt any feelings) I decided to cheer myself up by opening one gift. Or at least what I thought was a gift. Needless to say I was disillusioned by what I found inside the package, and sat alone on the couch under the Christmas tree pouting while my daughter sang along to her favorite Spot video. Later she began crying over a piece of ice I wouldnt let her hold and I mumbled to myself, "Happy stinking birthday." Of course then I sank into a humiliating guilt trip over my behavior.
"You are a grown woman, this is ridiculous. Stop pouting, kids in Africa dont even get presents. They dont even have a warm house to sleep in. People are desperate for food and your pouting over having to get up early today." I needed a change of scenery. I decided to hit the grocery store.

After buying some cupcakes to cheer me up I called home to see if my husband had awakened. After a short conversation I pause. He says "Well...I love you?" I say, "It's my birthday today." Solid body blow. Of course he apologized profusely and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me dearly and certainly would have said it had I given him a chance when I got home. But the moment didnt add anything special to the way my day was going. (On a side note I want to say that my husband is perfect, the love of my life, and Im not trying to paint an ugly picture of him. Ok baby?)

So, here I sit, my husband had to run out for work until 3:00 or so, and Im relaxing alone on the same couch I sat on a few hours before pouting. Here's a little poem I've composed about my day.

"Thirty-two, and life is blue,
what's a girl to do?
Life is hard, without a card,
or something shiny and new.
What will I do, it's twenty til 2,
and here I sit alone?
I'll eat some cake I didnt bake
and then take out a loan!
I'll buy that coat and hat I saw,
and then I'll buy some more.
I wont come round til the sun goes down,
I might sleep at the store!
That will cure my birthday blues,
that will be my fix!
They wont be able to track me down
until Im thirty-six!"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

LuLu - just a note about your birthday. The picture you painted was grey - and I can't blame you for your feelings AT ALL. But birthdays are like Christmas - what we visualize is obviously not reality and I think we place a lot of hope in what might be - and then we're sorely disappointed when it doesn't come to be. It's our perception. From my perception, you have a sweet and beautiful (I assume) daughter - and she is your present to the world - even if the world doesn't give you a present. What you create in that little girl will resound through the ages. Also, your husband is obviously a very busy man - and like all men, they get completely wound up in what they're doing. Am I right? But what you have is very precious between you two. The oneness that comes from living together and breathing the same air - you are one. He is an extension of you and you are an extension of him. Revel in his life - and he should revel in yours. Take the time to be together - just the two of you - if you can. Even if it's tiny pockets of time. YOU are a snowflake - individual and unique - and very special - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

6:53 AM

Blogger Ward Jenkins said...

Let me just say that I planned on wishing you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday, but my day was just as blue, except the being my birthday and all. I do hope that today is better and I wish you guys the best time out tonight as I'll take care of the little Luxie-lu! Go have the best stinkin' time and forget all about your greys of yesterday! Things are never the way you expect them to be, are they? So sorry about it, but Andrea, Ava, Ezra and I do wish the best HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Go have fun.

3:54 PM

Blogger jon said...

i forgot joy's birthday as well. :(

that was last year, however. amazing how much difference a year can make in forgiveness :D

i think we're all the same way with the birthday thing, in varying degrees--i know i'm hurt when folk don't acknowledge it. amazing how we get so worked up over a day that really didn't have anything to do with us in the first place. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. hopefully you'll have a fun evening.


2:25 PM

Blogger joy madison said...

yeah, jon did totally and completely forget my birthdy one year. It is exactly 1 month after our anniversary; July 4. On the upshot though he continuously thinks I'm 2-5 years younger than I am (when I turned 28, he thought I was 25) so that's something I can enjoy, especially as I get older:)

6:42 PM


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