...sugar and spice and everything nice...

Monday, June 18, 2007


Well Daddy, it's been a great years so far. Lots of trips to the park, fun times at the pool, and even Donuts with Dad before the school year ended. Your girls love you so much, and you are one AMAZING Daddy. Love, Luxie Lu and Zainey too.

Luxie, 4

Zaine, 18 months

Saturday, June 09, 2007

5 things

Ive learnd in my "first five" thirties. Ive been so aware lately of how differently I see life these days that i just had to post a blog about it. I really cant believe how my thirties have clarified life for me, and how head-slapping the reality of it all is. Im 34 now, heading towards 35 at the end of the year, and i feel like the last 5 years have been such an eye opening experience with all that I have learned. I dont know if it is just having kids that does it to you, or if it actually is a maturity thing that happens like Oprah and Dr Phil and all those folks like to make us think. But Im different, my eyes are clearer, and my heart sees life in a new way.

1. Life is fragile.
~Man, i have never before in my life seen how delicate and sacred life is. Loved ones, friends, and friends of friends, all over the place people are suffering, experiencing heart ache, disappearing, dying. Life is a blessing and each day counts. We are not promised tomorrow. I am learning that I must make each day count. Life is fragile.

2. It's OK to be...me.
~I'm Ok. I am Ok being me. Im a little quirky, a little different, a little lanky, a little moody, and that's Ok. It's just me. And Im learning it's Ok to like me for who I am. Im just me and that's Ok.

3. Love
~Love never fails. Yes that's what Im learning. I believe that is God's message to me for my 30's, "Love never fails." Im learning to love in the midst of problems, love during the hard times, love whatever comes at me for the day, love whoever comes at me each day. Im going to choose to love for however long God allows me to. Im learning to put love above everything else. And it's making my life and the lives of those around me much easier. Not easier in the sense of no problems, but making it easier to get thru the problems. Love never fails.

4. Stop and smell the roses.
~There are a lot of amazing things to see, and hear, and feel, and learn if we just pause and let ourselves experience them. I've spent too much time grouchy, angry, getting things done, forcing things to be my way. Im learning that the little things are what make life so much more enjoyable. Watching the fireflies with Luxie each night before bed, enjoying one more book before bed, laughing a little more rather than rolling my eyes, having kids climb all over me with their tiny elbows digging in. I want to know I made time for these things in the end.

5. It's not about me.
~This is the hardest one of all, but what an amazing lesson to be learning. Getting married got me started, and having kids kicked this one into gear. I spent a lot of years thinking it was all about me, wanting it to be about me, but Im slowly learning it's not. It goes against the grain of everything this world wants me to think, but it's exactly what would make this world such a better place. Ive struggled a long time with this concept, not only because of the false "it's not fair" and "i deserve..." ideals that permeate our society, but also because I've never really been able to grasp God's love for me. I know what I can do to treat others better than myself, to better "serve" others for the greater cause, but I've always struggled with the idea that God just loves me no matter what. Part of this comes from my own failings...Im always messing up..I mean, check out my last post! And part of it comes from how I fail others. I mean, if I have such a hard time serving others and putting others first, surely Im a disappointment God.

Recently I shared some of this with a very learned man of God whom I respect greatly and he responded with, "But see that's the thing, Kendra. It's not about you." The weight of his answer filled the room and went deep into my heart. It's not about me. Wow. And I dont even know if I can convey to you how greatly this has affected my life and how I see things now. When I take "me" out of the equasion (not forgetting my needs and who I am, but taking the focus off of "me") life looks so much different. Others really are more important, and God's love really does make sense. It isnt about me, all I can be is who I am to the best of my ability. The rest is up to God, and that is such a relief.