Cars

Well, a gray fog has fallen across our home. The sun has been hidden from view, and a slow drizzle is falling. A dark cloud is hovering overhead. The Scion XB has been sold.

It was actually quite a wise decision, but my husband has not been the same since last Monday, the day of sale. It all happened so quick, really. We put the car for sale for a number of reasons, but primarily because we were just given a minivan and selling the Scion would mean more money in our pocket if we bought a cheaper second car. I said nothing about this because I knew it had to be completely my husband's decision. Any words of encouragement from me would come back to bite me later when he had regrets or longings for the old days. So I just offered small bits of suggestions when he would ask, but kept quiet.

We had no one interested for a couple of weeks, then suddenly people were calling 5 at a time. Finally one guy said they had the money and wanted to buy it that day without even seeing it! They called their bank, we called ours, and things were underway. That was Friday. Monday they came to get it and it was gone. Just that quick.

Now we have begun to look for a second car (let me correct that, he has begun to look for a second car....constantly looking....endless looking....) and we have realized a huge flaw in our plan. See, from the beginning of our relationship my husband has had an obsession with Cadillacs, Lincolns, and basically any car you would see an elderly person driving. Dont get me wrong, I understand how interesting these cars look. I can even say I think they look really cool sometimes. But these cars have become my nemesis...my thorn in my side....my least favorite topic of conversation. In a word, I have even come to despise them.

Just before we married the rivalry began. We were planning our wedding and my husband decided to take out a $5000 loan to purchase a 1965 Lincoln Continental with suicide doors. Yes, just like the one in the Matrix. Yes, the one the valet wrecked on the way to our wedding. Yes, the car that no woman wants to get stuck driving when the reliable car breaks down. That was the beginning of this crazy love affair. I will say, however, I was thankful that that was the one we ended up with . We had looked at some pretty huge boat sized 1980's Cadillacs that I might just have called off the wedding over had they been purchased.

Well, during the conversations regarding the sale of the Scion I said on numerous occasions, "Just please dont get a Cadillac," or "as long as we dont end up with one of THOSE cars." But I had also agreed that he should get something he really liked and wanted to drive because it was very kind of him to give up his baby. I thought, however, that we had an understanding that it meant everything BUT those cars. Here is where the huge flaw in our plan is revealed. Here is how it all came to a head last week after a nice afternoon out as a family. Here is where I learned I was not just wrong, but DEAD wrong. (OK, a little over dramatic but I was going for effect there. )

All it took was one comment. A 199? Black Cadillac pulled up beside us and he said those dreadful words once again, "See, that is exactily what I want. Right there."

My skin begins to crawl and I feel my teeth gritting. "I dont understand why you keep shoving that car in my face even though I have told you hundreds of times I dont want a car like that. It's like you dont care one bit about my opinion! It's like you dont care at all!"

"You want to know why? You want me to tell you your own words? You said that if I sold the Scion I could have any car I wanted in the price range we talked about. You said I could pick the car."

What? I said what? Well, I mean, I did say that but with what I thought was an understanding that it didnt include THOSE cars. I had said it hundreds of times!

"But I told you many many times that I dont like those cars, that I didnt want that kind of car?!"

"You never once said 'You cant get that car.' You just said you didnt like them."

My mind is now racing...."I didnt know I could say that! I didnt know I had that kind of authority! So now you are saying that just because I didnt phrase my sentence correctly I have to get one of those cars?"

Then he said the words..."I knew you would do this. I never would have sold the Scion if you were going to do this."

I began bawling, "I never would have sold it EITHER if I had known I had to get one of THOSE!"

So we rode the rest of the way in silence. Deeply regreting the decision we had made to sell the fun little car we had come to love. But all was not lost. Later that night things were fine and it was as if we had never had the disagreement. Until the next day....

My husband: "A little later today I want go sit in a few cars to see what I really like, OK?"

Under my breath with a little smile on my face I replied, "As long as it isnt one of THOSE cars..: )"

Senior Year

Because I discovered how to scan photos now, I thought I would share some distant memories with you. Aside from posting a flashback profile pic circa 1986 (8th grade), I dug thru my photos and brought you some classics.

1990-91 was senior year for me. It was not the greatest year of my life, but certainly full of memories. I had left my home town of Walla Walla, Wa after an entire life there to live in California my junior year. Hated it. Mom moved us spur of the moment and of course, to leave during high school is pure torture. I was from a farming community and moved just 20 minutes north of LA. Talk about shell shock! I disliked it so much that in April of my Junior year I moved back to Walla Walla to live with friends until my mom eventually returned that summer before senior year. So there I was, back home with a couple of friends, and plenty of "friends" who had moved on during my absence, trying to fit in again! But with the friends I had many memories were made, and here are a few.


(Here I am with one of my best friends, Jason, on the day I was moving to California.)

Big hair was a top priority amongst the students at Walla Walla High School, (known thruout Washington State as WA-HI. I had no idea how odd this sounded until I met my husband who laughed hysterically the first time I said it.) If you didnt have a perm and huge bangs, you obviously werent living in the late 80's/early 90's. I actually recall having a perm, and then using a curling iron to curl up my hair even bigger. And of course the bangs were ratted and sprayed until they stood straight on end. Everyone I knew listened to Hard Rock: Motley Crew, Guns and Roses, Skid Row, to name a few, so we all fit the image! I had my boots, my leather coat, my jeans so tight they would rip out in the legs....no problem! I'd just stitch em back up! Sorry, no fringe on this girl, it was sooo uncool.

Life in Walla Walla was pretty boring for kids. There were two movie theatres, sports, and parties. Im really not proud of how I lived back in those days, but I cant deny that that was me, and although I surely dont advocate lots of what I did there were some fun and some not so fun memories made. I remember being scared out of my mind when i was called down to the principal's office one morning. What did I do? I had never been down to his office before, and couldnt for the life of me figure out why I was going down now! That's how you think as a teenager, right? Maybe it was because I had had a party at my house the night before and people all over the school were talking about it? Ever think about that, girl? He sat me down and ran off a list of things he had heard thru the grapevine that supposedly had taken place. Ridiculous things, actually. In fact, I hadnt even tried to have a party, I had invited my close friends over, they had invited their boyfriends, who invited their friends, who invited their underclassmen friends, etc. I didnt want to have that many people over, and we certainly werent doing the crazy things spreading thru the rumor mill! At one point he asked me to name names of people who had attended. I responded as politely as I could, "If I told you the names of the people who came, you wouldnt have any sports teams." So I left the office without confessing a thing, except that people had shown up at my house that were uninvited, and "what was I supposed to do? Send them home in their cars after they had been drinking?" Needless to say I learned later that day that I had been suspended from cheering at the next home basketball game.

Cheerleading. I had such a love hate relationship with "cheerleading." I was never going to be one of those prissy little cheerleaders who loved the "sport." I tried out for the challenge of it, made the team, loved practice and spending time with my friends, but really, would have much rather been sitting in the stands watching the game. If you have ever seen Grease 2 Michele Pfeiffer (no idea how to spell it) spends a lot of time with her friends getting ready for this big talent show and most of the time she is daydreaming about this boy she really likes and not paying much attention to the performance. That was me. Daydreaming about boys, worrying about boys, watching the boys play ball....much more interesting than doing a cheer.

Finally, here is one of my senior pictures that I absolutely hated, however my mom had in her wallet to show anyone who was interested.



There were three options for senior pictures in my town. Have your mom take it, go to the "other guy" or have Buzz at Buzz's photography take it. Buzz took what I now consider some of the oddest senior photos, but he had this group of girls who represented him that were always pretty and popular. If he liked your photos, he'd ask you to be a Buzz girl and you got this shiny black Buzz's photography jacket proving you had hit the big time. I remember when two of my friends (already Buzz girls) took my to Buzz's to view my photos and see if I could get the special jacket and represent him. I was so nervous. And I think Buzz would have said no, (he had plenty of girls around town with Buzz jackets already) but I was sitting right there with two other Buzz girls and I got the jacket! I think I wore it once then thought it was too weird and tossed. I'd rather wear my leather.

Whelp, there's my journey down memory lane. I will fill you in on lots of other fun memories as we travel the blog road together. Until then, have a nice day!

hi friends!

I changed my template since it has been a year, and lost my links! So I will get them up again as soon as i can, but until then I am learning how to scan photos to put them up here. You will probably see a number of different templates up here in the next couple of days, but for now, enjoy this one.

x's and o's

I dont know about you, but in our home my husband and I have certain things that are each person's responsibility. For instance, I clean the house up to the laundry room door, he covers everything beyond that. I handle laundry, dishes, and most things concerning our daughter (as a stay at home mom) and he handles the yard, cars, bugs, and "technical" things around the house. He takes care of the x's, and I take care of the o's. It's the way we play the game.

However, when he travels, which he does often for his work, my duties begin to include the entire alphabet. There is no that division that is so common to our relationship. Suddenly I have full responsibility of all areas. If a bug is lying dead in the laundry room, my job to pick it up. If the VCR suddenly stops working, my job to figure it out (ok, bad example, I usually call him on the cell and have him walk me thru it.) If water is leaking into the sunroom during a rainstorm, my job to clean it up. If the car wont start as we are heading off to the park, my job to call the tow truck and handle the situation. If an ice storm hits Georgia in the middle of winter and we lose power for three days, my job to figure out what the heck my daughter and I are going to do.

Though I am a fully capable human being and know how to take care of these kinds of situations, the constant accepting and relinquishing of control has taught me a lot about the marriage relationship. First of all, life sure is a lot easier with a help mate around. Yeah, I can pull the trash cans to the curb every Monday morning, and I can find time to wash the car, but I sure prefer having someone around to help with all the things that come up each day. I believe having kids makes it tougher to accomplish these tasks, harder to get the fiascos taken care of, and I sure wouldnt want to be doing it alone. I greatly admire those who do.

It has also taught me how difficult it is to constantly confuse those roles. To be in charge of all the o's is just fine with me. I may not like them all, but they are my duties and I accept that. To then take on all the x's is often times overwhelming, but after a day or two I get used to it and it becomes a new way of life. The most difficult part for me is then relinquishing those roles when my husband returns. Running the house becomes my job for a while, then I have to share that again, and I want to, but it is really hard to give up the control. I find my way of doing things "better" :) than his, even though his way is perfectly ok. This causes a lot of tension at times as we adjust back into our regular roles.

Anyway, there you have what is on my mind right now. My husband just got home for four days and things just got regular again, but soon he leaves for another couple of days, so the game continues!

one of those days.....

My sister (in law) over at hulaseventy just put up a post about "40 ft ceilings" and I tell you what, could of used that phrase about a hundred times yesterday! I hate to complain, for a number of reasons: first, God commands me not to and, well, it's usually for a good reason that God commands to and not to do things. Second, I spend all day long telling my two year old to "stop whining" because it drives me crazy, so it's a bit ridiculous for me to spend time doing that same thing I know is soo annoying. And third, really, do I have much to complain about? I can walk, talk, have food to eat, a good place to live...etc...so a bad day once in a while ought to be no big deal. But I gotta share this day with you because it might make you laugh, might make you think, "hey, my day is OK!" and that makes it worth it. Let me tell you Andrea, it got even better after I left your house.

Things went pretty well all morning until around 2pm. I had been trying to reach my husband, who is out of town, (but coming home today so all you burglars, trespassers, and peeping toms can just back off!) anyhoo, I was becoming more and more frustrated as the day wore on. Not a big deal, but when you try 4-5 times to reach someone and they are continually unavailable it gets under your skin a little. Then while trying to reach him I spoke with someone on the phone who was real short with me and I was bristled. Again, not a big deal, but the ball was rolling.

I had decided earlier in the day to take my daughter to the pool. This would be our first time hitting the public pool, and I was a little unsure about how it would go, but it was a hot day and sounded fun. She was a real stinker while I was getting her ready, and in fact at one point I recall yelling out, "OK that's it! We're not going swimming!" Of course it was a ridiculous thing to yell because, in fact, we were going swimming...I had worked too hard up to this point to cancel the outing over some whining. So we finally loaded ourselves into the car and started off.

Just about then I realized I was below the 1/8th of a tank mark on the gas, so I had two choices. Stop to get gas, or drive without the air conditioning on and try to make it. I opted for the second, and took my chances. Whew it was hot! But I kept thinking, "this will be nice! we will be real hot when we get there and the water will feel so good!" The crazy "we're going to have fun no matter what" voice was beginning to sound in my head, and that means nothing can stop me. Well, nothing except a kid going to the bathroom in the pool.

Yes, that's right, upon arrival at the pool for our first big outing we realize there's no one actually swimming. Someone had had an accident in the pool and it was closed for the day. Great! Perfect! Try explaining that one to a two year old! Instead I got the wheels turning and came up with another plan--about 10 minutes further down the road is another public pool. We would head over there and have our fabulous day of fun! But, I was still on E, and that meant making a gas stop. We headed off to find the nearest gas station, blazing hot! Finally got there, filled her up, and hit the road again.

With a two year old everything is on a schedule. I have only so much time between events. She wakes from her nap around 3pm, and I have until around 5pm before I have to start thinking of dinner for her. Otherwise she freaks. When we pull into the second public pool it is 4:00. "Great! We can swim for about 30-40 minutes and then we will head down the street and get some pizza. Perfect!" I get us unstrapped, and begin the tedious process of putting on her suit, inserting the floatation inserts into the suit, packing up our towels, snacks, keys, money, etc, and enter the building to pay. A guy cuts in front of me for some chips. Finally I reach the counter. "Um one adult and one 2 year old?" The guy answers me "She's free, so it's $4 for you." I hand him the money. "Oh, wait" he says. "You just missed it. At 4pm we start members only swim. Im sorry."

What? "Wait! It's not for me, it's just for her! I wont even swim!" I began pleading with him. I couldnt believe it! "Well," he said, "I ...I..." "It's ok," I said, "you dont have to break the rules." And I scooped up Luxie. "We cant go, sweetie." And then it happened. I started to cry. I cried for about 5 minutes. Luxie, on the other hand, was just fine. "Let's go to the park!" and "I sorry mommy." What a sweet girl. I kept saying, "Youre a good girl. Mommy's just sad because we cant go swimming." How ridiculous right? My daughter is completely fine with the situation and Im crying because I cant take her swimming! I was just so hot and tired, and I had worked so hard to get us there! I thought we were going to have fun!

Later things simmered down and we had a pretty decent evening, but bedtime became a fiasco again. Somehow I had a huge allergy attack, and my left eye became incredibly irritated. So irritated that I couldnt even see out of it! It was terribly itchy and I could barely see my daughter let alone read her bedtime books. This, of course, made ME incredibly irritated, and I kept wandering into to bathroom to see if something was in it. At one point I started digging around in it and scratched my eyeball. I could feel the scratch mark on my eye. I had to hold my eye closed for the remainder of the evening as I changed her diaper, fed her a snack and did my best to read her bedtime books verbatim.

Finally, around 10:30pm I decided I was done with the day and headed off to bed. It's a new day, full of new surprises, and probably a few frustrating moments! But thank the Lord it's a new day!

summertime fun

Ah, another vacation pic. This one was taken at the outdoor water park at the Aquarium in Tampa. Nate always laughs when he sees this one because it looks like Luxie is a WWF fighter coming out of the back hallway with smoke surrounding her-and me as her body guard! Those were the days of lots of fun in the sun, and stuff to occupy her 2 year old eager mind.

Speaking of minds, I have been bored out of my mine trying to figure out what to do this summer with all of this rain we've been having. When you are in charge of another human beings entertainment most of the day, it gets a little exhausting when being outside is taken out of the equasion! Finally yesterday we had some sunshine, so I came up with a plan.

I decided to fill her baby tub (the one we used in the bathtub when she was real little) with water and make it a pool out in the yard. A little white trash? Maybe. Odd for our neighborhood? Hardly. So we headed outside with the baby tub, some beach toys, and my cute girl in her swimsuit. It was an hour of fun! She was in, she was out, water was poured in, water was poured out, the hose was squirted, buckets were filled, and mommy sat down and took it all in from afar---relaxing!

I will eventually get a kid pool, but for now it's ghetto fabulous to use the baby tub.

My Man

So here he is in action. This photo was taken last year at a lunch time Georgia Tech show, that's why there is such great lighting. It was one of the rare events I actually got to attend because I could take my daughter with me!

He's been DJing since the age of 14, over 16 years now, and producing music at least 10 years. It is still amazing to me that he is able to do what he loves. So few people actually get to make their dream jobs a reality, but he just kept with it and now has a credible name in the underground hip-hop scene in Atlanta and other pockets of the country. He and his partner, Manchild, shown here on the mic, have been Mars ILL since 2000. They have had the priviledge of sharing the stage with artists such as Living Legends, Atmosphere, Blueprint, Bigg Jus of Company Flow, and have been featured in magazines and newspapers like Elemental, Insomniac, Feed, and the Atlanta "Happenings" paper Creative Loafing. Their next album, ProPain, drops July 19th (artwork done by none other than Ward Jenkins over at The Wardomatic) and their new website at marsill.com should be up and running real soon. In the meantime you can check out all that is going on in their lives and the lives of their fellow hip-hop collective Deepspace 5 at deepspace5.com. Thanks for letting me share a little bit about him with you.

I did it

Summer TV Preview

TV Guide released a Summer Preview that I found pretty helpful now that the regular TV season has ended and it seems there is nothing on TV. There were quite a few things I knew I wouldnt want to watch, but a few that sounded interesting. Here they are:

The Scholar: ABC Mondays, 8pm
"10 superbrainy high school students compete for a college scholarship." I watched an episode tonight and found it reasonably interesting for Monday night viewing--it was that or "2 and a Half Men" or "Las Vegas."

30 Days: FX Wednesdays, 10pm (starts 6/15)
"individuals live in someone else's shoes for a month. In the premiere a couple attempt to live on minimum wage in Ohio. Thirty days later, despite three jobs, they're already in the red." "A million times smarter than most other shows on TV."

Rock Star: CBS Monday-Wednesday, 9pm (starts 7/11)
"Mark Burnett helps INXS find a new lead singer." "15 hopefuls cohabitate and compete for the slot. The songs they cover are by class acts like the Beatles, the Doors and David Bowie. 'We're not a William Hung-type show.'"

The Cut: CBS Thursdays, 8pm
"Aspiring designers compete to work for the picky, pint-sized fashion mogul Tommy Hillfiger."

Situation:Comedy: Bravo Tuesdays, 8pm (starts 8/2)
"Sean Hayes and producer Todd Milliner turn the pilot-season pitching ritual into a reality competition."


I cant really vouch for any of these shows, but they sounded interesting on paper. Guess we shall see! But hope that gives you a few new things to look forward to this summer on TV.

Top 5's

Here are my Top 5 things I swore I would never do/have happen to me, but somehow or another have experienced.

5. "My child will never act like that." Oh yeah? Any person who ever utters those words will live to eat them. I have a usually very well behaved two year old who for some reason has created this alter ego that emerges only at crucial moments or on important occasions. I swore my child would never throw tantrums in public--and I've lived thru at least 10 of them now. I swore my child would never run wildly thru a store with me chasing after her--let's see, there was the Aquarium, the Mall, the Cheesecake Factory...I swore my child would never wear those freakishly unmatched outfits that many a child has been seen in--now I just thank God she put on some clothes today. My little blessing:)

4. "I will never have bugs in my house." Well....that was before I moved down south. See, up north, where Im from, you only have bugs if you are messy or dirty or live in a log cabin, or for some reason you left the door open and they flew inside. Down here, it's like you havent lived until you see your first 3 inch cockroach strolling across the kitchen floor. Dont get me wrong, we immediately called Orkin and thank the Lord the pests are under control. But never in my life did I think I'd see bugs like that in my house.

3. "I'll never have credit card debt." HAAAA HAAAA HAAA! AAAA! HAAAAAAA! OH! HEEE! Wheewww! Man oh man oh man! To be a teenager again and dream those silly dreams. No, we really arent that bad off, but I truly did think we could be one of those couples to "pay of the balance" each month. Apparently I have a problem with setting my expectations too high.

2. "I will always stay in shape, I just love to exercise too much, and it's so important." Again, what silly utterings from a 20something year old who had all the time in the world to take long walks, go for a run, take a dance class, do "leg lifts" ha! Now it has been almost three years since Ive done more than chase my daughter around. In fact, I think I have actually found cellulite on my knees...my knees! Ok, now I have to admit I come from small people, so I am thankful that if I find the right clothes I can fake it like Im in pretty good shape. But heaven knows getting in a swimsuit on vacation was a humbling experience.

1. "I'll never get to live my dreams." Thankfully this has not happened. I am actually living the life I love. It may not be what I thought my dreams would be, but these are dreams come true. A husband who loves me and is truly an amazing guy. A beautiful daughter who embodies unconditional love. A house, food to eat, a family to love and who loves me, friends. Really, these are dreams come true.

One Year!

Wow! Ive been blogging for one year now, and boy has time flown by! I just realized it the other day when I looked to the right column and saw my archives. June 04. My daughter was 15 mos old, had only been walking a few short months, I was in my hayday having quit breastfeeding and enjoying the freedom that comes with a baby on solids! My husband had turned in "ProPain" the album that has yet to be released, but has been given the date of July 19th 2005 (dont miss out!)

So I thought I would re-post one of my personally favorite blogs I wrote that first month. I was really on fire back then, writing lots of stuff about my life. I hope I get back in the groove again real soon. My husband is going to teach me how to post photos, which I will really enjoy because I feel like that it such an integral part of blogging! And once I figure that out Im sure the spark will get the fire going again! So without further delay, here is my blog dated 6/6/04:

"6/6/04 Due to the controversy surrounding my post on visitors it has been erased. In it's place I've decided to write a short commentary on the problem of understanding what I call "internet speak."

On more than one occasion I have run into trouble when trying to communicate via the internet. You see, it is very difficult to understand the context or tone of voice of the message you are receiving which leads to various interpretations. If I only use periods as punctuation I can come across either really calm or really dull. Too many exclamation points (something I'm often guilty of!) and I'm too bubbly! or too fired up! If I TYPE IN ALL CAPS I SEEM AS IF I'M SHOUTING MY THOUGHTS. I suppose it was for these reasons that we developed the smiling face icons that litter our emails (let's face it I'm just as guilty of using them as the next.) They help signal to the reader the emotion we're trying to get across.

I remember the first time I saw ":)" at the end of a sentence. I had no clue what that meant. At first I thought it was a symbol for an ear or listening. Then I got a ";)" and I thought the sender had accidentally hit the semi colon instead of the colon. I think it took getting a ":(" for me to realize "Wait a minute...is that a frown?" And suddenly all of the emails I had gotten before started making sense! Now I see all sorts of faces; the ":o" for "Oh, no!" happens to be a favorite of mine. "


And there you have it people, one of my first blogs ever! Just to comment on the thing, I am still trying to figure out the "LOL" phenomenon. Ive been told it is "laughs out loud" but then someone said it means "lots of love." So each time I get that back at me I sit pondering whether or not the person was laughing at me, or sending me some love. It can really change the meaning of what youre reading, ya know?